How to Put the Bun in the Oven
by ohwhatsherface
Summary: SasuSaku. Fact of life, never get lessons in love from two idiots who are relatively foreign to the concept.
1. stir up the batter

**1sentence**

**Title:** How to Put the Bun in the Oven, part 1**  
Author:** ohwhatsherface  
**Fandom: **Naruto**  
Pairing:** Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Haruno**  
Theme set: **Beta**  
Rating:** M, maybe… One line was pretty dirty…**  
Warning(s):** PICK UP LINES, and innuendo!  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

* * *

01. Walking

It was when Sakura caught sight of Sasuke fumbling with something in his pocket and muttering incoherent curses to himself – well, Naruto wasn't around – as he walked over to her, the slightest bit of a blush on his naturally pale cheeks, that she knew something was very, very – "Sakura, I need you to help me restore my clan." – wrong…

* * *

02. Waltz

There is a large and satisfied smile on the pink-haired kunoichi's face when she hears the sickening crack of what she hopes is Sasuke's jaw when she punches him, yells at the Uchiha – "You bastard! How _dare_ you propose to me?! _No_, that wasn't even a _proposal_! You reject me over and over again and now _this_?! You're _pathetic_, Uchiha! PATHETIC, I SAY! I WILL DESTROY YOU!" – and then proceeds to waltz away.

* * *

03. Wishes

Sasuke learns that enlisting help from Naruto in the matters of something as important as Love is undeniably stupid when he goes up to Sakura the next day and says, "Here I am", and smirks before adding, "now what are your other two wishes?".

* * *

04. Wonder

The norm of Team Seven since they were twelve – the _beginning_ – was that when Kakashi arrived, Naruto would scream, Sakura punch Naruto and Sasuke would either roll his eyes at their antics or smirk at Naruto's pain, so when he arrived that morning and saw Sakura punching the wrong boy, he had to wonder what Sasuke did to piss her off.

* * *

05. Worry

And when he said, "Help, Sakura, I think something is wrong with my eyes," she was filled with fear and worry, but her concern was quick to leave when he oh-so suavely grinned and added, "I just can't take them off of you."

* * *

06. Whimsy

It is at night, when Sasuke lays his head down on his pillow, careful of his bruises administrated by Sakura, that he dreams of black-haired and green-eyed children running around in his empty house, and he allows himself to think up his so-called battle plans for the next day.

* * *

07. Waste/Wasteland

Sasuke wakes up the next morning and as he lazily walks out of the Uchiha Compound – just a bunch of empty, empty houses – his drive is reinforced, and he then sprints out, ready for another attempt at wooing Sakura.

* * *

08. Whisky and rum

At one point he contemplates bribing – er, persuading? – the Hokage into getting Sakura to marry him – or at _least_ go out with him! – because really, the crates of whiskey and rum and various types of alcohol in his basement that his clan used to drink on occasions just _had_ to go bad one day…

* * *

09. War

"Love is a battlefield!" Naruto states as he preps his best friend for another beating—er, _attempt_ at courting Sakura, and when the Uchiha walks away, Naruto merely watches with much amusement as Sasuke tries his latest – "That shirt's very becoming of you. If I were on you, I'd be coming too."

* * *

10. Weddings

Sakura huffs vehemently when by reflex – _reflex_! – she catches Matsuri's beautiful bouquet of Desert Primroses that came flying at her, thoroughly annoyed when Temari smirks and nudges the girl, saying, "Well, you know what they say—", to which Sakura effectively pushes the flowers to the blonde's face, replying, "Don't even _try_ to go there!"

* * *

11. Birthday

On her nineteenth birthday, Sakura decides to wear the little black dress Ino had bought her on one of their many shopping sprees, so when Sasuke grinned to her and said, "Nice dress," she truly thought he was complimenting her, but then he just _had_ to add, "But it would look better on my floor", and completely ruin the moment.

* * *

12. Blessing

It is to Sakura's dismay when one evening she arrives home to find Sasuke there talking to her parents, having a decent conversation, because the moment she passes by the kitchen where they are sitting – _together_, ugh! – her mother calls her in and says, "I love this guy, Sakura!", her father adds, "You most certainly have my blessing!", and Sasuke smirks like the infuriating little bastard that he is.

* * *

13. Bias

When Sakura learns that Naruto and Kakashi –_ ugh_! – are coaching Sasuke on his journey down the Road of Love, she declares them bastards for choosing to help Sasuke since they were only doing it because he was a _boy_!

* * *

14. Burning

Sakura readies herself to call Sasuke a perverted, arrogant jerk when he asks her to do some extra training with him – that was _so_ what Tenten called her excursions with Neji – but she stops herself because he looks serious, and instead goes with him to the dock by his house where he teaches her the Great Fireball Technique.

* * *

15. Breathing

She sits on the porch of Sasuke's house, reading a book while the two boys spar, and she glances up to check on them – make sure they haven't killed each other, really – but then Sakura gasps and her cheeks reddens when she takes in the sight of Sasuke, sweaty and panting hard and _shirtless_.

* * *

16. Breaking

Sasuke smirks smugly when Sakura replies to his request for a date that Saturday night with a "N—No" over her usual "No" because her "N—No" meant a stutter, and her stutter meant hesitance, and her hesitance meant that her resolve was finally breaking.

* * *

17. Belief

Even though Sakura states that she believes marriage is a stupid thing and that weddings are even worse, the beautiful ivory wedding gown in the store window – with the satin and the chiffon and the thin straps and the beaded neckline and the empire waist – always catches her eye.

* * *

18. Balloon

It is in the middle of Naruto sucking the helium out of balloons and Sasuke rolling his eyes at the silly blonde's antics that Sakura realizes that Sasuke has changed a lot since they were kids – he no longer just smirked, he _smiled_.

* * *

19. Balcony

While passing by the dead patch of what used to be his mother's Rose garden on his way home from the carnival he went to with Naruto and Sakura, Sasuke scorns Romeo because apparently not all Pretty Boys could pick up girls on balconies or at parties or _whatever_ so easily – "Bastard…"

* * *

20. Bane

Sparing Itachi a moment of his thoughts – and _only_ a moment! – Sasuke tries to figure out which of his goals seemed the most difficult because trying to get Sakura to fall in love with him all over again was proving to be harder than he expected.

* * *

21. Quiet

Sakura thinks that _it_ – ugh, the _pickup lines_ – is all over when they are alone, and Sasuke opens his mouth but immediately closes it, looking away, but he proves her wrong when he lifts his head to smirk and say, "Sorry. You're so beautiful you made me forget my pickup line."

* * *

22. Quirks

Kakashi is a romantic at heart as proven by the ever-constant reading of Icha Icha – which is totally _not_ a bad habit! – which is why he chose to give Sasuke the book of pickup lines, obviously not because he wanted to see Sakura get riled up and smack the boy!

* * *

23. Question

She shivers slightly as they walk home in the middle of the night, so when Sasuke glances at her for a moment and then shrugs out of his jacket, not bothering to question if she needs it, and puts it over her shoulders, Sakura merely snuggles into its warmth and struggles not to inhale his masculine scent.

* * *

24. Quarrel

It is because of Inner Sakura who yells enthusiastically, "Jump him! Rape him! He _wants_ it!", as Sasuke carelessly takes his shirt off in the middle of training, to which Outer Sakura replies with a curt, "No", that Sakura has trouble looking at Sasuke the same.

* * *

25. Quitting

Realization slapped Sasuke in the face hard when he realized how badly the tables had turned – oh god, he was the _Sakura_! – and that when she was the one asking for dates, all he said was, "No" – quite rudely, at that – which is why he almost thought of stopping, since things didn't end that well for her, but he immediately changed his mind and grinned at her with a new vigour.

* * *

TBC

25/50


	2. put it in the oven

**Title:** How to Put the Bun in the Oven**  
Author:** ohwhatsherface  
**Fandom: **Naruto**  
Pairing:** Sasuke Uchiha/Sakura Haruno**  
Theme set: **Beta**  
Rating:** M, maybe… One line was pretty dirty… more so a strong T**  
Warning(s):** PICK UP LINES, and innuendo – but only in the first bunch  
**Disclaimer: **I do not own Naruto.

-

* * *

26. Jump

When he asks her out for the fiftieth time – she had been keeping count – and she finds it in her to drop her guard for a moment and say yes, and thus, he seems ecstatic, almost as though he were ready to literally jump for joy.

* * *

27. Jester

There were many, many things Naruto was – an idiot, a klutz, a loudmouth – but he most certainly was _not_ – unlike (thirteen-year-old) Sasuke, a Blind and Ignorant _Fool_ who wasn't able to See something great despite how many times it was shoved in his face (literally).

* * *

28. Jousting

Love is a battlefield, Sasuke finds out as Sakura tries to put her defences up when he asks her out again, telling him that it'll take a lot more than sweet smiles and pick up lines to charm her – he needed strategy.

* * *

29. Jewel

He passes a jewellery store on his way to training with Naruto and the happy picture of a woman crying in joy and a man slipping a ring on her finger makes Sasuke wonder if Sakura will cry the same way when she accepts.

* * *

30. Just

And she does – accept, that is (just for a date, though), seven months into his awkward attempts of courtship, in a situation not at all romantic or fabulous or particularly memorable – just an accidental shout of "Would you just let me love you, you crazy woman?" and "For god's sake, I might just wanna spend the rest of my life with you!".

* * *

31. Smirk

Sometimes he watches her and he can't help but smirk whenever he thinks back on his awkward and pathetic tries at making her fall in love with him – again – but the smirks always turn into genuine – secret – smiles when he thinks about how those awkward and pathetic tries were definitely worth it.

* * *

32. Sorrow

Sakura wonders if any of Sasuke's fangirls would ever do something as drastic and rash as kill themselves or attempt to harm her if by the _very, very, very, very_ unlikely – HA! – chance she says 'yes' to one of his marriage proposals.

* * *

33. Stupidity

Sometimes, when he watches Naruto's attempts at wooing Hinata and the way she merely brushes the blonde's default idiocy aside, Sasuke painfully remembers the way Sakura used to do the same for him and then he realizes how stupid he was to push her away.

* * *

34. Serenade

"Dude, I'm totally serious about this!" Naruto crows between snorts of laughter, as he equips Sasuke with an acoustic guitar and shoves a rose between his best friend's lips, "Girls absolutely _love it_ when guys sing to them!"

* * *

35. Sarcasm

It takes eight months of awkward courtship, a year of pointless – in Sasuke's opinion – dating, and a month and a half of engagement to lead up to this day, and still, Sakura's father isn't too fond of him, so when the elder Haruno asks his _baby girl_, "Sakura-hime, sweetheart, are you absolutely _sure_ he's the one, because Daddy can get rid of him for you, if you want," he knows for a fact that the man is not joking.

* * *

36. Sordid

Sakura gives a disgusted frown to the fridge in her new home with Sasuke – grimacing at the too-many tomatoes, the mouldy-looking cheese and the milk that sounded rather _chunky_ when she shook it – and thinks that maybe _she_ should do the groceries from now on.

* * *

37. Soliloquy

After coming home from his mission, he leans against the doorframe and sees her with a hand on her swollen stomach, assuming she is alone and saying to the child, "You're going to be a strong one, aren't you, just like your Daddy – although I hope you're not as annoying as he is, because hun, he's annoying – although he always says _I_ am annoying so I guess you being annoying is pretty inevitable, isn't it… hm…"

* * *

38. Sojourn

By her seventh month of pregnancy, she is forced into bed rest and she is _not_ happy, thus, she takes her anger out on Sasuke for knocking her up, forcing the once Proud and Dignified shinobi to draw her bubble baths, make her waffles and rub her feet.

* * *

39. Share

It takes a while for her to build up the trust to actually let him hold the baby when it – _he_ – is finally born, all red and puffy and not-exactly-that-cute because she fears for her son's future – what if Sasuke dropped him on his head and he turned out like…well, _Naruto_?!

* * *

40. Solitary

When Sasuke goes through his monthly period – 'few days of angst' – Sakura rubs her newborn son's cheek and coos, "Sweetheart, you better not turn out to be an antisocial hermit like your father or mommy will be very, very angry."

* * *

41. Nowhere

Sasuke sullenly finds there's nowhere to run and accepts his doom the first – and _last_ – time he drops his son – by _accident_ – when the boy is eleven months old and Sakura is across the room, staring at him in shock and absolutely rage while soothing the baby and promising her _dear_ husband painful retribution.

* * *

42. Neutral

Naruto knows better than to get involved when Sasuke and Sakura and in the middle of one of their annoying _lovers' spat_, thus he simply lets them fight and takes their son out for a walk because he'd rather not have his godson scarred for life due to his parents' er, _methods of making up_.

* * *

43. Nuance

When their second son comes around three years later, Sasuke panics because the boy's hair is a dark, dark shade of magenta – almost like black – and he fears that it'll become _pink_, but Sakura simply waves a hand uncaringly, telling him to shut up because _it's fine_.

* * *

44. Near

Sasuke will never admit it but he feels most content at night when he is surrounded by his sleeping family with Sakura cuddling against his side, their oldest son lying on his chest and the newborn in his bassinet beside the bed.

* * *

45. Natural

Watching Sakura kiss the oldest boy's knee when he scrapes it and is crying, Sasuke is almost jealous of her skills as a parent; he is strangely reminded of the time they were tree-walking because like that, parenting came to her naturally.

* * *

46. Horizon

Five years after the second, when Sakura is pregnant with their third – a little girl this time – she has a habit of going on a walk after vomiting at five in the morning, sitting down at the edge of the dock and staring at the horizon as the sun rises, thanking whoever it was up there for her wonderful family.

* * *

47. Valiant

After the little pink-haired girl is born and she is staring up at him with curious eyes, Sasuke takes his two boys out for training and works them to the ground, claiming, "You have a sister now – if any boy comes near her, you _will_ be strong and you _will_ get rid of him," to which both nodded obediently and replied, "Yes, father!"

* * *

48. Virtuous

Sometimes when he comes home from a mission, Sasuke would go to the kids' room – the boys begged their mother to let their little sister room with them – and watch the trio sleep soundly, silently vowing to protect their innocence for as long as he could.

* * *

49. Victory

Sasuke has no problem undermining Sakura authority when she takes away dessert, her way of trying to be strict with the boys – ("You painted the _Hokage Mountain_ – and you drew _breasts_," the boys snickered as their mother ranted, "on the Rokudaime-sama's face!") – because his darling wife simply took her anger out on him later on in the night… in the _bedroom_.

* * *

50. Defeat

Losing to Sasuke on the battlefield called Love is the only fight Sakura has no problem admitting she lost whenever she sees her husband raising the pitch in his voice to play 'dollies' with their daughter, proudly grinning at their youngest son when he hits all the targets and watching with elation in his eyes when their eldest has mastered a new jutsu – she has never been so happy.

* * *

_fin_.


End file.
